The road to rainbow baby
This is not a post you have to read, for me it just feels good to write it down.
She has arrived!
After nine long months she has arrived! Our little rainbow baby, our little miracle: Nynka Lynn 💛
We are beyond happy and totally in love. We are so very grateful that we were blessed to have this healthy little girl grow inside of me and join us on the outside in this world! It is something so special that no one can ever take for granted, it really is like a miracle!
The road was tough...
People say "I loved my pregnancy" and "in hindsight doesn't it feel it went by so fast?".
I did not love my pregnancy, I was extremely happy I was pregnant but I definitely did not love it.
Part of the reason for that was being sick every day for the first 3 months and having such bad pain in the last 3 months because of my abs tearing and intercostal nerve irritation that I had to lay down all the time to manage the intense pain (this was until she finally positioned herself a little lower for the last two weeks of pregnancy and I realized how most other pregnant ladies must feel: not too bad!).
The other part of why I did not think pregnancy was fun, and definitely did not go by fast, is because I was terrified for most of the time. Until 4.5 months (the time we lost Cas) I tried to protect myself to such an extend that every day I kept telling myself not to get too attached because you never know... But even after that ultrasound showed that baby seemed to be developing just fine, I still was on edge all the time.
She has arrived!
After nine long months she has arrived! Our little rainbow baby, our little miracle: Nynka Lynn 💛
We are beyond happy and totally in love. We are so very grateful that we were blessed to have this healthy little girl grow inside of me and join us on the outside in this world! It is something so special that no one can ever take for granted, it really is like a miracle!
The road was tough...
People say "I loved my pregnancy" and "in hindsight doesn't it feel it went by so fast?".
I did not love my pregnancy, I was extremely happy I was pregnant but I definitely did not love it.
Part of the reason for that was being sick every day for the first 3 months and having such bad pain in the last 3 months because of my abs tearing and intercostal nerve irritation that I had to lay down all the time to manage the intense pain (this was until she finally positioned herself a little lower for the last two weeks of pregnancy and I realized how most other pregnant ladies must feel: not too bad!).
The other part of why I did not think pregnancy was fun, and definitely did not go by fast, is because I was terrified for most of the time. Until 4.5 months (the time we lost Cas) I tried to protect myself to such an extend that every day I kept telling myself not to get too attached because you never know... But even after that ultrasound showed that baby seemed to be developing just fine, I still was on edge all the time.
I didn't feel baby all the time until at about week 27. Before that, well even after that, I kept doubting... was that baby or just gas? Because of this we ended up in urgent care four times with me being stressed that I hadn't felt baby in a couple days. It wasn't until we were nearing the end of my pregnancy and baby's movements were super obvious and regular that I finally dared to let myself get excited. We didn't post belly pictures until the third trimester and our nursery was not painted until near the end.
People will make comments as if, now that we have a healthy baby, the loss of Cas is fully behind us. Someone they know will have an early miscarriage and they'll say "see it happens to so many people". But you cannot just lump every loss together like that. Cas was and always will be our first baby. We were over the moon excited to meet him, thought we were through half the pregnancy and halfway there to meeting him, and felt super safe because we were in the safe zone of past 14 weeks (when the chance of miscarriage drops to 1%), and because of that we let ourselves be completely in love with him. After the fetal demise and delivering him, all of my hormones screamed that I was a mom, my milk came in, and my mind but also my postpartum body mourned that my child was not there.
Nynka is so loved, our light at the end of the tunnel and our little miracle rainbow baby. But Cas always will be her big brother, our angel baby, up in heaven.
People will make comments as if, now that we have a healthy baby, the loss of Cas is fully behind us. Someone they know will have an early miscarriage and they'll say "see it happens to so many people". But you cannot just lump every loss together like that. Cas was and always will be our first baby. We were over the moon excited to meet him, thought we were through half the pregnancy and halfway there to meeting him, and felt super safe because we were in the safe zone of past 14 weeks (when the chance of miscarriage drops to 1%), and because of that we let ourselves be completely in love with him. After the fetal demise and delivering him, all of my hormones screamed that I was a mom, my milk came in, and my mind but also my postpartum body mourned that my child was not there.
Nynka is so loved, our light at the end of the tunnel and our little miracle rainbow baby. But Cas always will be her big brother, our angel baby, up in heaven.
Comments